The Icon Faerie

Today I had to become that person. The car of one of my roommates was parked behind mine blocking me from getting out. Again. This is the third time in like two weeks. So not only does this seem like common courtesy, but there is a large public parking lot right across the road, but when I did it for like TWO MINUTES (seriously -- I stopped by my house between school and work to change my shirt. I didn't even turn my car off!) I had a talking-to when I got back waiting for me. "Don't park behind cars! Park across the street!" Fine. Whatever.

So today I had to become that roommate, the one who leaves passive-aggressive notes on car windshields. Considering I was seriously thinking about just vomiting on the windshield instead, I think I showed remarkable restraint. (Stomach flu = less tolerance for bullshit than usual!)

Anything I want to say just leads to more politically incorrect racist things, so I will stop there. I became that person today. I did not rise above. But if it stops them from being a dick and parking behind me, I can't make myself care.

Today is Commencement. I suppose this is where my roommates have been all day because I think they are graduating. I don't know, I don't really care.

I was going to have a great thinky thoughts post here about how I graduate next year (with any luck), but then I got an e-mail from the lady at Jujamcyn and "there isn't a position available for [me]" which, you know, sucks because I really wanted to do it. Only in theatre is knowing a little bit about everything and knowing how to do a lot and willing to do literally ANYTHING a bad thing. I'll keep looking for things to do that will occupy my time and maybe put a little money in my pocket, but right now I just want to sit here and Think About What I've Done by thinking everything could go my way for once.

There's one part of my brain that says, "Remember how you said you were never going to get into grad school and you did? And remember how you didn't think you could manage having your own car and you did? And remember how you didn't think you could etc and you did?" But the other part of my brain says to fuck off.

I'm moving tomorrow. I guess the best I can do is look for something else to fill my time, especially if Old Navy plans to stick with scheduling me one day a week. 'Cause I'm sorry, that ain't gonna pay for shit.

My dad said he and my mom would help as long as it wasn't much, but I'm twenty-five. I should be able to pay my own rent and things. Not to mention I don't know how much my parents had to sink into getting my grandmother into a nursing home (which she is in. I haven't spoken to her. This is going to sound stupid but I hope she gets internet there, because the people she knows from there are her friends like you all are mine). I'd like to go home to visit but I'm afraid to now.

I love being here in New York. If I couldn't stay out here and work I don't know what I would do.

brb looking for that window God's supposed to open when he shuts a door on me.

I have so much I want to talk about. But since brevity is the soul of wit and tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief.

My sister is still in Japan of this moment. She's okay, there wasn't much damage in Nagoya from the earthquake, but she's going (I keep typing 'coming' but I'm not there) home for a bit and she'll get in on Monday. I don't know if my mom will ever let her go anywhere ever again, but maybe now at least she won't drive me crazy for a bit. I love my mother and understand being worried, but seriously. (I also understand that she is ~mother and her worry probably outshines any that I had -- and I was a bit worried but my sister is a smart girl and the Japanese know how to handle it.) I told Gretchen to grab something good when the looting started, but apparently they don't do that. Which is cool.

Sunday I went and saw Angels in America at Signature again. They changed the cast, and Michael Urie was playing Prior so obviously I had to go. As much as I hesitate to say it... Michael Urie is totally my Prior. Justin Kirk is wonderful in the film, and Christian Borle was amazing, but Michael? He was inspired. He was just the perfect combination of righteous, queeny rage, fear, awareness of the absurdity of it all, and at times, utter contempt for the world around him. And how he looks in a dress is exactly as unfair as you would think it is.

Adam Driver was a newcomer as Louis. I LOVED him. He LOOKED like a neurotic Jewboy, and had amazing comic timing. At first I thought he was a little stiff but I warmed up to him. I actually ended up liking Louis a little lot more than I usually do -- which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Considering some of the things he does, it increases my sympathy and emotional reaction when he does or says reprehensible things. Truthfully, Bill Heck puts too much ANGRY~ in his Joe for my taste. I get that he's supposed to be confused and maybe a bit self-loathing, but I don't think I should fear for Harper's safety when they're arguing. I didn't like Keira Keeley (I think that's her name) as Harper as much as I liked Zoe Kazan. Zoe was a bit younger, more ethereal -- I could believe she went flying and saw ex-drag queens in her hallucinations, but Keira went a bit more zombiesque with her interpretation at times. And there was a lot of yelling. :\ Bill Porter was still Belize and he was STILL fabulous. Jeffrey Wright is Jeffrey Wright but Bill Porter was DIVAING OUT. The angel was good. I don't know if I like her as much as Robin Weigert, but it was a different interpretation. A lot more human at all times, not just sometimes.

I didn't want to stalk too much -- stagedooring Off-Broadway is a different culture than Broadway shows, I'm finding -- but I wanted to fangirl Michael Urie a little and was under orders from occultebelta to do so. So he signed my copy of The Temperamentals and told him I'd enjoyed that play as well, I'm teaching it in my 101 class this semester (last semester wasn't so impressed with Angels), and it was in part due to that play that I want to pursue my MFA project in queer dramaturgy. I voiced a concern about identifying straight -- in my experience, cautious self-deprecation and disclaiming works out better in the end when it's genuine -- and he blew it off. He said, "You may have more to say than a queer artist." So therefore I intend to make no more apologies about it. Onward and upward. Michael Urie said so.

Last week I applied and interviewed for a customer service position at Old Navy -- so basically what I'd been doing at Lane Bryant, but I'll be able to do it in jeans. Except when they offered me the position and tried to set up a time for me to come in for training and such, they proceeded to ignore the availability I gave them when I applied and tried to get me to come in Monday during classtimes, Tuesdays when I'm teaching, and damn. I don't even. Why? So I gave him my availability AGAIN and he said he'd call back. That was Wednesday. So if this is going to be a chronic problem I'm not sure I want to work for them. Because my school and teaching job are going to come first. Sorry. The end.

I had two major writing assignments due last Monday. Of course I left them until the last minute. One was a ten minute play, which I actually ended up being proud of despite not considering myself a playwright (it's hard to give all the information the audience needs just in dialogue without being didactic or fake). I got a B+ on a paper on Elizabethan foreign policy. I probably would have gotten higher if I'd been able to bother with MLA formatting and edit properly, but no. She did compliment my handling of the history though, so I will take it.

I've sort of started using my tumblr that I made to see what the fuss was about. And when I say 'using' I mean I'm reblogging shit like it's going out of style. It's here.

I am giving serious thought as to when I want to move, and 'soon' is what comes to mind. Twice this week I have been woken at 9:30 by a roommate (the same roommate) wailing the song "Fuck You" at the top of her voice. First of all, that's a god awful song 24/7, and second, 9:30 is not the proper hour to be shouting songs.

I just have this fear of not having enough money to stay in an apartment elsewhere and getting evicted and having to live in my car. Which is stupid. But I get anxious, I get depressed about being anxious, I get anxious because I don't get anything done when I'm depressed and it piles up, etc.

Also, Galileo is going to suck. And that is an objective assessment.

I haven't had a hot shower since I came back to Stony Brook. They've mostly been tepid. I would even say that one or two may have flirted with "warm" before disappointing me completely. When I moved in and I had to turn the knob ALL the way to get anything that even approached hot enough for me, I said I could live with that. But at that temperature, I could run the shower and the mirror would fog up. Now I'm lucky if I can get it a little humid in the bathroom.

THIS IS NOT OKAY. WHY DO YOU HATE ME, GOD?

ETA: Also, WHY DO I BOTHER WORKING OUT SOLUTIONS TO PROBLEMS THAT WORK WITH MY SCHEDULE IF NOBODY IS GOING TO READ THEM AND THEN SAY "OH OKAY HOW ABOUT YOU DO X-X:30 TO MAKE UP FOR IT?" NO. NO. NO NO NO.

1. I can be a small person in the worst way.

2. Housing said someone's going to be moving in here with me. I have no idea who or when, so who knows. When I come back from work tomorrow I just might have a roommate again. Me no likey.

3. I got back from the city last night about 11:30 and there was a note on my door saying that the locks on my door had been changed so I had to go exchange my key. Except of course the office was closed at that hour, so I had to go to the RA on duty and she let me in with the master key.

4. The ceiling in my kitchen is still leaking, almost a week later.

5. The people who have my computer to repair it said they were going to probably call on Tuesday to tell me what was wrong with it. Tuesday came and went and I still haven't heard from them. I'm beginning to get annoyed.

6. I need a nap. Is it too late for a nap?

Long story short, the nightmare is over. I have housing on campus. It's a one bedroom apartment that I'll be sharing with another student, but I can deal with that no problem. Hopefully my luck with roommates extends this long.

We had a productive day today. We looked at the campus and kind of got the lay of the land. I have my campus ID card (and the picture is hilarious, I look confused. At least they'll know it's me) and I turned in my health form to health services. We kind of explored the theater part of the Fine Arts building and I met the costume shop manager, who was a very nice lady named Peggy.

It's a very nice campus. A lot bigger than Coe, but hey.

Well, we have a plan now, at least. Whether it pans out or not remains to be seen but I don't feel like having a nervous breakdown anymore which is always a good place to start. Maybe best of all, it doesn't involve strangerface's couch. (Not that your couch doesn't sound lovely, it's more the two hour commute that makes me want to cry. I'm sure I will make couchsurfing into an Olympic sport because omg Manhattan.)

On the other hand, two days in a car with my parents kind of makes me want to cry. But I will survive.

This would all be better if I didn't feel exactly like I did when I had my sinus infection in February. :(