The Icon Faerie

I didn't want my three thousandth entry to be me whining like it usually is. I wanted to take pictures of my room in the house and talk about how well I'm doing. Fun, fulfilling internship in the city, how much I love living off campus, etc. But I don't have that. What I have is about $400 to my name and a pile of unfulfilled expectations and some scary thoughts.

I've filled out so many applications and sent out my resume so many times I've lost count looking for a second job. I've stopped hoping for something that is actually at my level and am looking at McDonalds, Best Buy, and Home Depot. Everything else requires experience that I don't have. I worked four hours last week, four tonight, and I'm not scheduled for any next week. I probably won't have any the week after either, because I booked Friday off so I could welcome Bee to the city.

The house is... fine. I have housemates whose parents didn't seem to teach them that if it's not yours you shouldn't fucking touch it, but that I can deal with. What I can't deal with is this faffing about with the wireless. I am not a person who asks for much but when I have a shitty day (which I am having a lot of these days) all I want to do is curl up, watch some videos of kittens on YouTube, and then refresh Tumblr until it shows me something exciting. So in conclusion if it's not broke, DON'T FIX IT.

So I'm in the office right now, where it is unbearably warm and my desk chair is fucking uncomfortable, but my internet is stable. Priorities, I guess.

I basically want to quit school or take a leave of absence for a year and not be run off my feet. I hate being an adult; I'm not any good at it and it's really fucking exhausting pretending that I know what I'm doing and to not burst into tears even though that's all I want to do. But I guess I shouldn't worry about it since I don't actually have anywhere to be for at least a week. I feel like I'm drowning and I'd really like to know what I'm doing here. People can tell me "No" all the time and I can get myself wound up until I puke perfectly fine in Iowa. There has to be a reason I'm here.

Happy Easter, Christ is risen, etc!

Trish and I went to mass. (I am pretty good at faking my way through a mass by now, but they manage to trip me up with the Lord's Prayer. Curses!) It was nice, the church was beautiful and the priest was a good speaker. And the choir was good -- I think I've found out where all the respectable musicians are going to, UMC.

Now we are back in the apartment with the windows hanging open, and I have put a turkey breast in the oven. Hopefully it will turn out okay and we won't be looking for some place open to feed us.

AHAHAHAHA My sister and her friends in the Doctor Who club at Coe are SO much cooler than the Coe Witches.

For April Fool's Day they gained entrance to all the buildings on campus and used dry erase markers to write BAD WOLF on all available surfaces, and put 'badwolf' as the username in lab computers. LOVE. She says next year they are putting up 'Vote Saxon' posters.

My sister is one of the coolest people I know.

That aside, today was a good day. I was up at stupid o'clock for the job interview, and it went pretty good. They're at the beginning of the interview process so it could be another week or two before I hear anything. Mom and I went to CR to fetch Gretchen for Easter, and that was pretty much it.

I had to change my shirt for church tonight, mom didn't think that the Community Party t-shirt was appropriate for a Good Friday service. And she is probably right.

I'm contemplating a layout change.

Call me a crazy, liberal Methodist who is going to be the down fall of Christianity... but let the girl have her communion wafer that won't endanger her life. I honestly doubt the Father would care and isn't his opinion the one that counts, anyway?

Can I please have thoughts and prayers for my grandfather? My parents just ran out because they got a call from my grandmother (or maybe brother) saying he fell and there was blood on his face. At his age this kind of shit can mean just about anything.

I know a lot of you are putting up with crap of your own right now, but... please take a minute to send a thought or a prayer up.

We went to see The Passion after speech contest, my parents and I. I'm not really sure what to think. At least my dad didn't do anything weird like ask me questions or want to discuss it. I don't think I would be a good sound board until I can gather my thoughts a bit better.

As a human being first, it was horrific to watch. As an artist and actress, I am convinced that this film is nothing less than a work of art. As a young woman who will one day be a mother (which I love to say, because so many girls I know say that they will never ever be mothers), watching things with Mary (the mother and Magdalene) was also sad, to watch your flesh and blood suffer ever is horrible. As a person who loves to learn, I loved how it didn't have a fake feel to any of it. It looked real. As a Christian (and you know this would come, there's no way I could view this film objectionally), I am still in awe and amazement and have no words... I am not worthy.

Even if you're not a Christian, you can appreciate the theme to the story of love. Love so deep that you would sacrifice everything for their safety. Of course I don't recommend seeing it if you're really squeamish. At all. Your eyes will be closed for most of the film.

Nobody who worked on that film in anyway has anything to be ashamed of there. Nothing at all.

http://objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html

I laughed so hard I thought I pulled something.

1. Um, excuse me, we're supposed to not talk to Atheists and not try and convert them to our enlightened way of life? This is a change from the memo I got from the last fundie I talked to.

2. Husband/Wife Quiz: Abraham and Hagar were never married.

3. Creation Scientist: I don't even have the words...

Although "What the fuck?" covers it rather well.

1. Were you raised in a particular religious faith?

Yep.

2. Do you still practice that faith? Why or why not?

I do. I'm a member of the Methodist Church, basically because I'm happy there.

3. What do you think happens after death?

I sort of imagine it like going to a big airports... Jews leave from terminal 6 in five minutes, or Muslims from terminal 10 in three minutes... sort of like every meets the fate they chose. Does that make sense?

4. What is your favorite religious ritual (participating in or just observing)?

I like communion, and weekend retreats.

5. Do you believe people are basically good?

There's a balance to everything -- people are good, and people are bad. I do my homework and am basically an okay person. That's good. I flip people off and cuss up a storm while driving. That's not so good. But in the end, its not for any other human to determine your goodness or your badness or worth. This I know.

..."Humans are quite silly. We are silly creatures, you and I. Humans do pointless things to each other: Sexism. Racism. Ongoing fratricide. Homicide. Apartheid. Slavery. Homophobia. Each justified by their perpetrators with well-quoted scripture, each believing that they are the true representation of Christ to the world..."

..."We are Christ's representatives in the world. They look at us, make up their mind, and if we fail, we fail. Period."

So true. This man is the best thing that's ever happened to this church.