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Jun. 3rd, 2011 11:05 pmI didn't want my three thousandth entry to be me whining like it usually is. I wanted to take pictures of my room in the house and talk about how well I'm doing. Fun, fulfilling internship in the city, how much I love living off campus, etc. But I don't have that. What I have is about $400 to my name and a pile of unfulfilled expectations and some scary thoughts.
I've filled out so many applications and sent out my resume so many times I've lost count looking for a second job. I've stopped hoping for something that is actually at my level and am looking at McDonalds, Best Buy, and Home Depot. Everything else requires experience that I don't have. I worked four hours last week, four tonight, and I'm not scheduled for any next week. I probably won't have any the week after either, because I booked Friday off so I could welcome Bee to the city.
The house is... fine. I have housemates whose parents didn't seem to teach them that if it's not yours you shouldn't fucking touch it, but that I can deal with. What I can't deal with is this faffing about with the wireless. I am not a person who asks for much but when I have a shitty day (which I am having a lot of these days) all I want to do is curl up, watch some videos of kittens on YouTube, and then refresh Tumblr until it shows me something exciting. So in conclusion if it's not broke, DON'T FIX IT.
So I'm in the office right now, where it is unbearably warm and my desk chair is fucking uncomfortable, but my internet is stable. Priorities, I guess.
I basically want to quit school or take a leave of absence for a year and not be run off my feet. I hate being an adult; I'm not any good at it and it's really fucking exhausting pretending that I know what I'm doing and to not burst into tears even though that's all I want to do. But I guess I shouldn't worry about it since I don't actually have anywhere to be for at least a week. I feel like I'm drowning and I'd really like to know what I'm doing here. People can tell me "No" all the time and I can get myself wound up until I puke perfectly fine in Iowa. There has to be a reason I'm here.
I've filled out so many applications and sent out my resume so many times I've lost count looking for a second job. I've stopped hoping for something that is actually at my level and am looking at McDonalds, Best Buy, and Home Depot. Everything else requires experience that I don't have. I worked four hours last week, four tonight, and I'm not scheduled for any next week. I probably won't have any the week after either, because I booked Friday off so I could welcome Bee to the city.
The house is... fine. I have housemates whose parents didn't seem to teach them that if it's not yours you shouldn't fucking touch it, but that I can deal with. What I can't deal with is this faffing about with the wireless. I am not a person who asks for much but when I have a shitty day (which I am having a lot of these days) all I want to do is curl up, watch some videos of kittens on YouTube, and then refresh Tumblr until it shows me something exciting. So in conclusion if it's not broke, DON'T FIX IT.
So I'm in the office right now, where it is unbearably warm and my desk chair is fucking uncomfortable, but my internet is stable. Priorities, I guess.
I basically want to quit school or take a leave of absence for a year and not be run off my feet. I hate being an adult; I'm not any good at it and it's really fucking exhausting pretending that I know what I'm doing and to not burst into tears even though that's all I want to do. But I guess I shouldn't worry about it since I don't actually have anywhere to be for at least a week. I feel like I'm drowning and I'd really like to know what I'm doing here. People can tell me "No" all the time and I can get myself wound up until I puke perfectly fine in Iowa. There has to be a reason I'm here.
