dramaturgy: ([BSG] Starbuck is unhappy.)
I have the serious urge to shop.

I like shopping. I didn't used to. But in high school, this became a way that I connect with people. My mother and I like to go and try things on and put outfits together, even if we can't buy anything. (Okay, things that aren't on clearance. >_>) Eventually, my sister was old enough that she also got into the clothing thing and we all three like to go when we're together. Whenever Bee comes to visit me or vice versa we usually end up at a mall once (and if we're in Manhattan, wow don't even start). Kitty and I have shopped too, because she's about three inches around and is super fun to dress up.

I even like shopping alone sometimes. It's not as much fun getting second opinions and all, but I don't like to feel like I'm dragging people.

Anyway. Shopping is a problem because first of all, I should be saving money where I can, not spending it. Secondly, because I know it's because I don't want to work. I have two major assignments due Monday and don't want to do either of them. Thirdly, I'm feeling depressed and anxious and am looking for something to fill that hole.

Shopping in this state will have the effect of making me happy temporarily, but when I get home I'll have buyer's guilt and the money will be gone and I will have wasted my time and I'll be depressed and anxious again.

(Although both pairs of my jeans are wearing thin in the special area. If they rip, I'll have to replace them. :\ Slippery slope, I'm on it.)
dramaturgy: ([SPN] One of those days.)
Good god, I forgot what it meant to be exhausted in the brain.

I finished my presentation even though Michael insisted on being a douchebag and splitting up the presentation so I had to pull stuff out of my ass about Egmont. And pull stuff out of my ass I did.

So my body's doing the annoying thing again when I am zzzzzzzz sooooo tired so I lay down to go to sleep and I lay there for an hour or so instead of dropping off. I don't know what to try to cure that since I haven't had time to put my Google fu to work on anything but sturm und drang.

And I've been accused of being angry with someone and hostile. Apparently when you introduce yourself as Miss Mary Sunshine and then become Miss Mary Go Fuck Yourself for a day or two it means you suddenly hate someone. I don't really hate a specific someone, I am just shall we say mildly annoyed with things. So I pulled myself out of bed for a 9:00 graduate population meeting, because apparently we're all in high school and instead of speaking up when something is bothering us or talking to a professor separately or to each other we need an actual meeting time for airing these things. So yeah, I'm a little pissy when I get there, and when you breeze in JUST as the meeting is about to end and I have eighty things to do, yeah. I'm going to sigh a little. And when everyone wants all of my attention OMG RIGHT NOW it's going to tick me off.

Also? I am just trying to survive my first semester of grad school. I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water with all the shit I have to do and it's only going to get worse, so no. I don't want to hear about the fucking Cabaret one more time and participate in "new works." I want to do my homework in peace and GO TO BED.

I should probably apologize for being impatient and showing it, but I don't deal with stress very well and there is a lot of stress right now. And I'm not going to apologize for not acting all happy shiny face when I'm not.

And trust me, if I'm angry at you, you are never going to know it. Because I am not a confrontational person and if I am asked I will categorically deny any and all feelings of anger.

I wish we had a break coming up and I weren't 1000 miles from my mommmy. I think I'm going to go cry in the restroom now.

I think this weekend I will take time and finish my Castiel moodtheme. He's been making some awesome faces on the show.
dramaturgy: ([DW/T] Donna.)
[livejournal.com profile] endofhistory and [livejournal.com profile] duchessdollydot left earlier to brave the Illinois construction zones. Eek. So they'll be home in about 134470952847 hours or something.

We had a good time. We walked the mall where I work so they got to see the store, although we didn't go in, we had milkshakes at Steak and Shake (nom nom) and we saw Away We Go last night. It was a cute movie. It was nice to see John Krasinski in a serious role and he's gotten out of the habit of mugging -- which is fine for Jim on The Office when there's basically no fourth wall, but it doesn't really work in other roles. Although there was a HUGE Mood Whiplash in the fourth act, which. Yeah. It was kind of a downer.

Still nothing from SUNY.

I had other things to say here but, yeah. I dunno. It's kind of all a jumble.

ETA: OMG NOW I REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.

Last week I managed to watch both sadly short seasons of Pushing Daisies and I loved it but I was very upset that that was all there was. There isn't anymore. :( But, Ned and Chuck, people, HOW CAN YOU DENY THEIR LOVE? ;_;

Also, I have all five eps of Torchwood ready to watch but due to the outcries of RTD YOU BASTARD on my flist, I am understandably reluctant to actually watch them.
dramaturgy: ([SPN] Not drunk enough.)
So this morning we had to put Snowflake to sleep, which is upsetting but she's not in anymore pain so that's good. I'm still going to miss her. I was hoping she'd kind of plateau and be okay until my sister could be here on her spring break to see her one more time since she was kind of Gretchen's cat, but it wasn't to be.

And now we're on AIM having a drinking party. \o/

LOOOOOOOOOL

Feb. 1st, 2009 08:32 pm
dramaturgy: ([Repo] Nathan + Shiloh.)
[20:29] my summers die: ~*Hate crime. I like it.
[20:30] my summers die: (Which I definitely just typed at hat crime.)
[20:31] likeabaroness: HAT CRIME
[20:31] likeabaroness: THIEVERY AND WRONGDOING DOWN AT THE HABERDASHERY
dramaturgy: ([DW/T] Armed.)
Sooo I haven't written for ages, but [livejournal.com profile] thinkatory was here for a week (okay, weather and roads were bad on Saturday so it was really eight days) and we were being lazy sods, so it's all good.

Yesterday I was supposed to work in Davenport, but they called about two o'clock and said that they didn't need me. Of course, they couldn't call before I'd straightened my hair. *SIGH*

So instead of working, I spent my day catching up on my TV, and then I ended up watching the entire first season of Traveler. Which wasn't hard, there are only eight episodes in the entire season, but I digress. It was awesome, I get bummed out when awesome shows are cancelled. Then again, when I read the closing interview with the creator talking about how the entire thing would end, I'm kind of glad it didn't end, because it ended up with my two favorites dead and the other main character I was kind of eh about the whole time alive.

See? Characters I like are immediately doomed. Doomed doomed doomed.

I don't work today either, unless someone calls, but I don't foresee that. Blah. I know I was working crazy hours before Christmas, but I hope the hours don't drop back too much.

My mom was home yesterday sick, and she called me early this morning to come get her because apparently she wasn't as recovered as she thought she was. But now she is moving about, taking down Christmas decorations. Then again, considering how many days of high school I missed because I just didn't want to go, I'm probably not good to judge.

Two more schools to apply to and freak out about.
dramaturgy: ([Mentalist] I have no superiors.)
For some reason, I have agreed to play Mystery Can with [livejournal.com profile] thinkatory. Except we added a rule that we each get to choose one thing the other person can't get, so no canned meat and no sauerkraut, lest we both barf excessively.

ETA: Okay, two new rules. The writing on the can has to be in English, inspired by this can.
dramaturgy: ([DW/T] *salute!*)
Yay jaunty Captain Jack icon.

I was supposed to go in to work at three, but Frank called me at 1 asking if I could come in to cover for him until RJ got there because he was le sick or something. I didn't really listen. So I went in for about forty-five minutes until RJ got there and he said I could come back at four, so go back at four I shall.

I replaced University of Iowa with Brooklyn College CUNY, because they also have a dramaturgy program AND a theatre history/criticism program. :x I sent an e-mail to admissions asking what their policy on dual application was because I can't deciiiiiiiide mommy, I wanna do booooooooooooooth.

I was having my Waking Nightmares again. It's not a technical term, but a Waking Nightmare is those uncontrollable thoughts and worries I have about money, getting into a school, money, my brother not moving his ass to get into a real school when he's finishing his AA in the spring, money, [livejournal.com profile] thinkatory finishing her thesis, [livejournal.com profile] roseanna and her busy, busy Beeness, money, weird dreams I have, [livejournal.com profile] kaesa being eaten by science, and money when I am trying to sleep. My mind races and I can't sleep and I end up tossing and turning and thinking about it. And sometimes I think I should get up and read or do something until I'm ready to pass out, except it's already three in the morning and it'll take at least half an hour for my mind to slow down... I'm supposed to go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks or something, this is probably something I should mention. Except it doesn't really do any good to put me on an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication, does it? ... It just seems counter productive. Maybe less fluoxetine will just do the trick.

Like last night, I was going to turn the light back on and read, but I'd just finished my book. The Handmaid's Tale, if you're curious. My brother read it for a class a couple of years ago, shoved it at my mom, and she shoved it at me. I think I'm going to read The Host next.

I have these really weird dreams. Like the other night I was eating bagels in the kitchen and for some reason the Tyrells were there. Like, not even [livejournal.com profile] westerosorting Tyrells who at least have the virtue of being real people. No. Like Margaery and Loras Tyrell were in my kitchen, eating bagels with me. I also have a dream about this restaurant that is somewhere out in the middle of nowhere north of DeWitt, and it has not only the best chocolate milkshakes I've ever had, but their chicken is delicious and so are their french fries. I was actually convinced that this restaurant was real, but when nobody in my family knew what the hell I was talking about, I realized I'd dreamed it all.

Also, ABC cancelled Dirty Sexy Money. Which, considering how it was going, might be a good thing.
dramaturgy: ([Disney] GFD!)
Arrrrrrrrgh;salkdjf

I went back to Coe tonight to see the play and it was marvelous. We have talented actors at Coe and this was an especially momentous occasion, as it was the first time we did plays by black playwrights. Florence and The Dutchman were both staged as a joint venture called A Dream Deferred, A Race Derailed. A couple of years ago, we read Topdog, Underdog in our theatre history class, and the question came up: why do we not do this play? It's an excellent play, it's probably one of my favorites that I had to read for theatre history, and I read a lot of plays. But it was said that we couldn't do these sorts of plays (where African-American/ethnic casting is needed for the play to make sense), i.e., put them on the schedule if no one was going to show up and audition. There's a certain amount of logic to this; we (and when I say "we" I mean the department) needed to decide whether or not if we built it, they would come.

Well, we built it. And they came.

Jackie, I'll give you more details later if you want them I promise, I am just REALLY tired right now. And if you all read on you will find out why.

The short story: I dropped my car key down the elevator shaft in Murray.

The long story: After the play was over I bid my sister good night some of my friends (Lizabe [[livejournal.com profile] techie34], Ashley, Rae, and Chelsea) were getting ready to go to the Homecoming dance, and I was catching up with them some while they did so. I was going to go to the truck (I was driving my dad's Big Truck) and they were going to go to the dance, so we were heading out together. I had the key out and I guess I didn't have a good hold on it or something and it fell out of my hand and RIGHT in the space between the elevator car and the floor. There was much swearing and gnashing of teeth and a little crying (you know how I get). We talked to the RA on duty who did his best to help us (even taping a hook to a broom handle to try and stick in the shaft, bless him) and well. They can't get into the shaft until they can get maintenance in there which would have been tomorrow at the very, very earliest but more likely Monday. And, the cynic in me says, most likely even later than that, because this is Coe College. (It's like Sparta, except it sucks.) So Lizabe, GOD BLESS HER, I LOVE LIZABE, lent me her car so I could drive home. I'll go back tomorrow, return the car, and take the truck back. I parked the truck in a zone that had no parking between 11 PM and 8 AM or something, right there on 1st Ave, but of course I didn't figure on leaving it there over night. I figure I'll have a parking ticket (FUCK) but I am petrified that it's going to be towed and impounded, because I don't owe enough people money already.

I just. Why do these things always happen to me?
dramaturgy: (Default)
I don't even know if I have the words to describe how the last week has been. It's been amazing. [livejournal.com profile] thinkatory and [livejournal.com profile] raven22 were here until Sunday, and then I stayed with [livejournal.com profile] thinkatory's family in Milwaukee until yesterday. I had a really good time, I really did. There's just no words for being able to be with people you know you're supposed to be with when IM windows have to suffice for the rest of the time.

Maybe someday. But it's just such a letdown to be home alone again, even if I get to go back next week when [livejournal.com profile] roseanna's there.

Until then, new icon. Have a little JGroff in Hair.

While I was there, we got our first FA review on [livejournal.com profile] fathersandsons */pimp* which tickles me so much. So so much. *bounce*

My sister goes to school on August 19th. :o She's living in Murray, which was the dorm I stayed in with [livejournal.com profile] kay_cricketed our sophomore year. I think she actually might be in Mel's old room, 201? Something like that. Anyway, she's been talking to her roommate through Facebook and apparently they've hit it off spectacularly -- they're into anime, manga, and Twilight. I hope they're just different enough that it works out but similar enough to stay friends. You know? She seems to have been pretty lucky, I've been pretty lucky when it comes to roommates.
dramaturgy: ([Misc] Godot)
Mandy's leg is asleep and it is the FUNNIEST THING EVER.
dramaturgy: ([ASOIAF] Stick them with the pointy end.)
[livejournal.com profile] thinkatory and [livejournal.com profile] raven22 are here in one piece. We are watching Grosse Pointe Blank and Kitty just had an idea.



...

*SHRUG*
dramaturgy: (Fabdemona. Contains alcohol.)
So I didn't make show choir. Story of my life.

One less thing, anyway.

Hugs and kisses to [livejournal.com profile] roseanna for talking to an upset!me on the phone and talking me down. <3 you honey.

And PBBT to [livejournal.com profile] mystery_coffee for being a bitch to my Bethany. I don't think she's getting paid anything for this either, although I don't know how this works out to be a labor of love.

Bed now. My sentences are beginning to fragment and I'm making a lot of typos. Zzzz...
dramaturgy: (We are the couch)
Agh. Shit is shit, so don't put a sign on it that says 'Gold'.

I wonder if I can take my cousins to a movie tonight. They're 10 and 8 (Jeez they're getting old) and I don't know the probability I'll see them before I go to college and I haven't seen them since June. Waaaah I'll miss them. ::checks movietickets.com::

In other news, Bee gets a hilarious e-mail line of the day for this line in an e-mail written to me this morning:

ARRG I HATE YOU. <3333

::g:: <3
dramaturgy: (Why can't I breathe)
I wish I had something better to say than "Thank you" when someone tells me "congratulations". And I honestly wish that I could think of something better to do than cry when I realize that next year I'm not going to have Joe or Tony to make me smile in homeroom next year, or think about all the time I wasted alone this year. Not that all of its wasted -- some of it was spent very well with you.

Kimmie, do you still have your old default icon, the one with the girl and the yellowish background? If so, would you send it to me and allow me to modify it?
dramaturgy: (Outlander sex)
Well, after an examination of my toes at approximately 3 AM this morning (after I accidentally kicked the wall in my sleep, cried out in pain and woke up my mother on the other side of the wall), my toes are not broken but are indeed bruised.

Sarah and I signed up to share a room in New York, but knowing our luck we won't find anyone else to share with, and then we'll be split up into two other rooms that already have three and thus will be forced to share a room with girls who use too much hairspray and make up and I just don't like.

Finished third Princess Diaries that I started last night. Can't help it, I love those books. It made me happy.

I haven't eaten since about 4:30 yesterday and I'm starved. We have half a box of bowtie pasta in the cupboard. You do the math.

Need to fill out housing information and first year seminar forms for Coe. Damn.
dramaturgy: (Bedroom Eyes)
This day has to be the record for going from good to bad. I had an eye appointment at 8:45, so I didn't go in for first block. I went in for second and actually got a spot in the parking lot from some poor person who left for service learning. During lunch I finished Bridget Jones's Diary, and I think I have found the perfect quote to describe my entire high school experience:

"I hate Christmas. Everything is designed for families, romance, warmth, emotion and presents, and if you have no boyfriend, no money, your mother is going out with a missing Portuguese crimical and your friends don't want to be your friend anymore, it makes you want to emigrate to a vicious Muslin regime, where at least all the women are treated like social outcasts."

Well. If it's up to Bush there aren't going to be any of those left to move to. Grr. Argh. During third block was the frustrating talk and flaunting of prom plans. I have no prom plans. Nobody's even bothered to ask if I want to be bloody third wheel. May as well stay up until midnight and then go to After Prom, as I don't see the point of getting fancied up in a gorgeous dress and then going to the roller rink in Eldridge to play Tetris on my cell phone for four hours and possibly ruin eye makeup by having a good cry in the girl's restroom.

Now for the frosting on the cake. Before I could hit Katie or Rachel or do something equally socially unacceptable, I went to my homeroom Jazz band, where it was my free day today, went outside and kicked the shit out of the west wall of the science garden. With both feet. I was so angry I was going to start hitting it but apparently there were people in classrooms across the garden who were enjoying my show. I think I have successfully broken every single toe on both of my feet except possibly the big ones, as they hurt to move or put slightest pressure on. I don't want to look to see if they are all black and blue or not, but I think they probably are. It is complete agony to walk, stand, set my feet on the floor, and I have taken enough tylenol to level a horse. I hate my life.

Meme )
dramaturgy: (Default)
My head hurts, I'm cold, I'm tired, and I want my Heather back. I don't know why I'm going to New York with 60 other people who could care less if I dropped dead. I'm not going to have roommates voluntarily. Maybe I can sleep on one of the buses.
dramaturgy: (Sexy sniper)
There really is nothing exciting going on in my life.

Rachel's having a birthday party I wasn't invited to. Joe's not having a party (too bad, he's getting his t-shirt anyway), and I had to drop my Lord of the Rings review for speech because it was just not fitting together at all.

Mother has informed me that I have to get a date for prom since I got a dress and I get a TIARA. How freaking awesome is that? But, a date. I NEED. :-X Right, I'll just call BOYS 'R US and pick me out a tall, dark, and handsome one.

St00pid.

Oh yes. And I don't even have the words to express my dismay in Bush at the present. 'ARGH' comes to mind.

EDIT: And I turned in a job application to the movie rental place here in town, because I need money.

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