The Icon Faerie

So, I officially quit life on Sunday after my grandmother sent me a forward that started with a rape joke. (If you rape a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting? GET IT? SINCE PROSTITUTES ARE PAID FOR SEX WHEN YOU TAKE IT WITHOUT PAYING, IT'S SHOPLIFTING. HUR HUR.) I replied all and said, "It's rape. Also it's not funny. I thought a former cop would know better." (It was forwarded to her by an online friend who is a former cop.) I haven't heard from her since then so my guess is that she's pulling the "Well, I'm old, and I get to say what I want because I was brought up ~in a different time." Yeah, that old chestnut. GRANDMA. YOU WERE BORN IN 1935, BUT THE ACTUAL FOR REALS MIDDLE AGES. Whatever. She also says "coloreds" and "the gays" and I know I should feel bad because she doesn't get around so well and is probably lonely, puttering around her house all day, but I really don't think that's an excuse. And it makes me mad.

So I quit life around 9:45 AM, climbed into the shower and cried until I ran out of hot water, and then climbed back into bed and started rewatching Ugly Betty. But it really wasn't just that. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

This whole business with Gabrielle Giffords and the assassination attempt has just left me heartsick and upset. (I will admit to having The Ballad of Czolgoz and the rest of Assassins running through my head for most of the day on Saturday; I am not a perfect person.) I watched the guy's YouTube channel and it's way fucking creepier than any horror movie I've ever seen. The fact that one of the people dead is a nine year old girl who had just been elected to her student council and taken because she was interested in public service and things of that nature AND had been born on 9/11 (ACTUAL 9/11, not a 9/11 since then, HER MOTHER WAS IN THE HOSPITAL GIVING BIRTH ON 9/11/2001) is just the frosting on a very depressing cake.

Then I find out that Sarah Palin had a campaign ad that was basically a hit list and a map with crosshairs on the congressional districts of those on the list and Gabrielle Giffords was on that list. I was disgusted but unfortunately not shocked. And I know that Sarah Palin didn't put the gun in the guy's hand and say "Go for it!" but if I had made that list and that map, we would not be having this conversation right now because the FBI would have broken a land speed record getting to my house AND I WOULD NOW BE IN FBI CUSTODY. You know what, I damn well don't care about Sarah Palin. My hatred peaked sometime last year and right now I'm just sick of her. I think she's stupid and irrelevant at best and dangerous at worst. When you tell your followers to reload, not retreat and show them a hitlist of politicians you don't like, well... even if the Loughner guy didn't care about her, she needs to be fucking called out to explain herself for that ad.

And it's not just her. Everyone who adds to the rhetoric of hate in this country needs to STOP IT and first of all, use their words, and second of all, USE WORDS THAT DON'T INCITE VIOLENCE AGAINST OTHER PEOPLE. I'll be first to admit I'm guilty of it, and it's usually in hyperbole -- how many times this semester did I say I was going to fucking kill my kids? I would never actually. But if all 35 of them had suddenly wound up DEAD I would have been the link between them all and I would have looked pretty damn guilty. At the risk of sounding stupid... with great power comes great responsibility. And your words mean something.

Also, whoever it is that tweets as President Bartlet just made me angry by refusing to acknowledge Sarah Palin should be held responsible. (Toby Ziegler, however, did not disappoint me. Toby has always held a place in my heart, the old curmudgeon. ♥) Seriously, stop turning my fictional hero into an apologist. (I know he's not REAL or anything, so this is kind of stupid, but seriously. bad_rpers_suck, that's all I'm saying.

Also in the Disappointing Me Thoroughly camp is Jonathan Mandell, aka NewYorkTheater. He writes about theatre for an independent online news source, and occasionally has quoted me in his articles for some of the off the cuff things I say about theatre. I generally like and agree with things that he has to say and quite frankly it's nice to be able to tweet theatre at someone who will tweet you back (although I have had certain people Tweet me back before -- not the point). BUT.

Recently, Bono saw Spider-Man for the first time. Awesome, right? Well. Jenn Damiano was apparently quoted as saying that he had enjoyed himself watching the show. (I am paraphrasing here, but that is pretty much what was said.) Things went apeshit. I was like, "Aw, that's great!" and Mandell tweeted, "He shouldn't be enjoying the show, he should be working on it so WE can enjoy it." (Again, I'm paraphrasing, but that is very close to the actual wording.)

Uh, first of all:
1. That is the most entitled, audience-centric thing I have heard in a long time, and
2. So artists aren't allowed to take pleasure in what they produce?
3. When I saw it, the music wasn't what I thought needed working on.

I tweeted as much to him (well, the second point, I couldn't find a nice way to phrase the first one and the third one is just a can of worms) and he replied (see, so at least he replied) that, "it implies he's a spectator and not an active member of the process." Um. Well, now I think people are just looking for something to bitch about for Spider-Man since nobody else has been injured and reviews aren't officially being made until the show opens next month. Way to take something an actress said and blow it out of proportion.

Anyway. Better news! I hear they're working on a new finale, and T.V Carpio became Arachne. I feel honored to have seen it as early as I did (the fourth preview) and can't wait to go back. Also, Michael Mayer and Billie Joe Armstrong are talking about making American Idiot into a movie (which could be awesome or be horrible) and want to work on an original project together. I hope he remembers my resume. :x

Good god, I forgot what it meant to be exhausted in the brain.

I finished my presentation even though Michael insisted on being a douchebag and splitting up the presentation so I had to pull stuff out of my ass about Egmont. And pull stuff out of my ass I did.

So my body's doing the annoying thing again when I am zzzzzzzz sooooo tired so I lay down to go to sleep and I lay there for an hour or so instead of dropping off. I don't know what to try to cure that since I haven't had time to put my Google fu to work on anything but sturm und drang.

And I've been accused of being angry with someone and hostile. Apparently when you introduce yourself as Miss Mary Sunshine and then become Miss Mary Go Fuck Yourself for a day or two it means you suddenly hate someone. I don't really hate a specific someone, I am just shall we say mildly annoyed with things. So I pulled myself out of bed for a 9:00 graduate population meeting, because apparently we're all in high school and instead of speaking up when something is bothering us or talking to a professor separately or to each other we need an actual meeting time for airing these things. So yeah, I'm a little pissy when I get there, and when you breeze in JUST as the meeting is about to end and I have eighty things to do, yeah. I'm going to sigh a little. And when everyone wants all of my attention OMG RIGHT NOW it's going to tick me off.

Also? I am just trying to survive my first semester of grad school. I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water with all the shit I have to do and it's only going to get worse, so no. I don't want to hear about the fucking Cabaret one more time and participate in "new works." I want to do my homework in peace and GO TO BED.

I should probably apologize for being impatient and showing it, but I don't deal with stress very well and there is a lot of stress right now. And I'm not going to apologize for not acting all happy shiny face when I'm not.

And trust me, if I'm angry at you, you are never going to know it. Because I am not a confrontational person and if I am asked I will categorically deny any and all feelings of anger.

I wish we had a break coming up and I weren't 1000 miles from my mommmy. I think I'm going to go cry in the restroom now.

I think this weekend I will take time and finish my Castiel moodtheme. He's been making some awesome faces on the show.

Received: One e-mail from Brooklyn College going "DUDE YOUR APPLICATION IS INCOMPLETE ARE YOU GONNA APPLY?"
Wasted: Five minutes going "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, DON'T ANY OF YOU PEOPLE TALK WITH ONE ANOTHER?" Now I know why there are so many Brooklyn jokes. BECAUSE THEY ALL DESERVE THEM.
Sent: One e-mail from me explaining the situation as I understood it, including pertinent details of my road trip to Coe last week.
Still Worried About: Whether or not my checking account is going to be empty when they ACTUALLY STOP HOLDING ON TO MY CHECK. I hate my life.

I repeat. I am never getting into grad school.

I wonder if I took the time to tally the number of users who hate the new LJ profile page (being one of them) as seen in news and lj_design, and found it to be something approaching a percentage of their users, they would listen.

I doubt it.