The Icon Faerie

I'm forcing myself to write here. I'm not losing interest, I'm just lazy. I have to get this speech done tonight, and I'm just not feeling up to it.

Monday was fun. We went to the music festival at Clarke College, and a girl named Velvette (really) randomly attached herself to us. It was fun. Burned Alex so many times I'm surprised he had a shred of dignity left to cling to.

Got much mail today. Letter from Coe that told me to expect word on my scholarships in about a month. Acceptance letters from Simpson and University of Iowa also.

I have shed many tears in pain, sadness, disappointment, humiliation, and anger, but I think today was the first time in most recent memory I shed tears because of resentment and hate. Hate of myself, Mrs. Dean, Rachel, Katie, and anyone else's name that was on that God damned call back sheet.

Obviously, Mrs. Dean has no intention of letting me into chamber choir. Not now, not ever. I am half-considering taking myself out of choir for next year and taking some completely worthless classes such as Foods or Clothing. Seriously. Throw myself into band and give choir the old fashioned one-fingered salute.

I'm sick from keeping myself from bursting into tears whenever I think about it. Because my dad wouldn't care, my brother and sister would roll their eyes, and my mom would try and pet me and tell me it's all right -- but it's not all right. Not at all. I'm tired of being told I'm not good enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, not anything enough.

So in the eternal words of the Metatron, "I'm pissed off, is what I am!" No. Beyond pissed off. Irate. Ready to kill.

I don't think Rachel realizes how hard it is to be her friend sometimes. My mom said, "Rachel has a wonderful, clear, uncluttered soprano voice." Uh, thanks mom. Like I don't know that. She told me I have a "superior intellect". Fine. But what good is a superior intellect IF NOBODY WILL FUCKING LISTEN TO ME?

I need a fucking huge vacation away from this wide-spot-in-the-road bedroom dot on the map known as DeWitt.

( 'Life as a Movie' soundtrack )

School was long. I got a II on speech. I was incredibly bitter at the chamber choir. I screwed up on the last song and got yelled at by a senior whose panties are obviously too tight (which is amazing because I would have sworn up and down she didn't wear any).

My life is so depressingly predictable sometimes, its pathetic.

Have finished article and letter to the editor about Andrew Carnegie in three hours. Damn I'm good at this procrastinating stuff.

Anyway, not so good at basic algebra. ::cough:: i.e. "The height of the Statue of Liberty is 93m. This is about 0.27 the height of the Hancock Bulding in Chicago. What is the approximate height of the Hancock Building."

ExCUSE me?

Also, "Checkmate" wallpaper is gone. Knew it wouldn't last.

And, I have a new nickname. I am the Soprano from Hell (because Dan said so). Fear me.

What revolution are You?
Made by altern_active

Returned to church choir tonight. Full of t00bs who would like to think they can sing. Fuck.

Curses the day my genetics proclaimed me a procrastinator. I have a project due on Friday that involves a trophic triangle and a model. Curse biology to the fiery pits of Sauron and be done with it.

I can't wait for school to get out. Only 5 more days, and I'll be an upperclassman. Only 3 more days of chamber singers tryouts. I said it wouldn't kill me if I didn't make the dance team, and it didn't. But if I don't make chamber singers, I'll cry. But I've been crying lately anyway. Damn my hormones.

( Why I was crying too much...cut because of AOTC spoiler )