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Jun. 20th, 2008 06:57 pmI ran around with my mother today. Good clean fun. She had her haircut - and I have an appointment next week on Tuesday to get my hair cut. >_> I haven't had an honest to god haircut since I was in high school, and there may even be bangs! I haven't had bangs since I was in middle school!
\o/ It's exciting.
Today I got to thinking about law school. It's an idea I've played with since I was in high school, but then there's theatre. I love theatre. I need theatre. So mom said go ahead and get an LSAT book. At worst, we're out what, fifteen bucks. So I said okay. I found one in Barnes and Noble and was looking at it. Sure, no problem. I can do this. So I tucked it under my arm and trotted off to look at what plays they had in.
My mistake, I picked up John Patrick Shanley's Doubt. I read the first scene, Father Flynn's monologue and I was reading it, I was separating it into beats. I saw it all in my head. I wanted to put it on stage. Everytime I read a play, that's what it is.
Shanley says in his preface:
What is Doubt? Each of us is like a planet. There's the crust, which seems eternal. We are confident about who we are. If you ask, we can readily describe our current state. I know my answers to so many questions, as do you. What was you father like? Do you believe in God? Who's your best friend? What do you want? Your answers are your current topography, seemingly permanent, but deceptively so. Because under that face of easy response, there is another You. And this wordless Being moves just as the instant moves; it presses upward without explanation, fluid and worthless until the resisting consciousness has no choice but to give way.
It is Doubt (so often experienced initially as weakness) that changes things. When a man feels unsteady, when he falters, when hard-won knowledge evaporates before his eyes, he's on the verge of growth. The subtle or violent reconciliation of the outer person and the inner core often seems at first like a mistake, like you've gone the wrong way and you're lost. But this is just emotion longing for the familiar. Life happens when the tectonic power of your speechless soul breaks through the dead habits of the mind. Doubt is nothing less than an opportunity to reenter the Present.
I am in a state of Doubt.
\o/ It's exciting.
Today I got to thinking about law school. It's an idea I've played with since I was in high school, but then there's theatre. I love theatre. I need theatre. So mom said go ahead and get an LSAT book. At worst, we're out what, fifteen bucks. So I said okay. I found one in Barnes and Noble and was looking at it. Sure, no problem. I can do this. So I tucked it under my arm and trotted off to look at what plays they had in.
My mistake, I picked up John Patrick Shanley's Doubt. I read the first scene, Father Flynn's monologue and I was reading it, I was separating it into beats. I saw it all in my head. I wanted to put it on stage. Everytime I read a play, that's what it is.
Shanley says in his preface:
What is Doubt? Each of us is like a planet. There's the crust, which seems eternal. We are confident about who we are. If you ask, we can readily describe our current state. I know my answers to so many questions, as do you. What was you father like? Do you believe in God? Who's your best friend? What do you want? Your answers are your current topography, seemingly permanent, but deceptively so. Because under that face of easy response, there is another You. And this wordless Being moves just as the instant moves; it presses upward without explanation, fluid and worthless until the resisting consciousness has no choice but to give way.
It is Doubt (so often experienced initially as weakness) that changes things. When a man feels unsteady, when he falters, when hard-won knowledge evaporates before his eyes, he's on the verge of growth. The subtle or violent reconciliation of the outer person and the inner core often seems at first like a mistake, like you've gone the wrong way and you're lost. But this is just emotion longing for the familiar. Life happens when the tectonic power of your speechless soul breaks through the dead habits of the mind. Doubt is nothing less than an opportunity to reenter the Present.
I am in a state of Doubt.
