I just checked what date it is to date the post. Fail.

[dramaturgy]

I am watching some episodes of Hoarders on the internet. And now all I want to do is scrub the apartment from ceiling to floor.


I had to visit the counseling center because I need to get an actual script for my fluoxetine, because Dr. Tuckman (hee) only wrote me a script for two weeks. I hate going to talk to therapy people because the ones I've been to only ask me the most stupid ass questions. "Why are you anxious?" If I knew the answer to that I could fix it and then I wouldn't need to BE here. The best I can do is "I am driving myself into debt for a field that cannot afford to gainfully employ me after I graduate, and also I am a bad adult."

Plus it's embarrassing. Yeah, I'm embarrassed to tell strangers the things I worry about and that medication is the only way I can stand to get out of bed sometimes. I feel judged.

And she said I looked upset and tearful. No, I WASN'T. So she insisted. And again, all I could do is say no. It makes me upset when people insist they know how I'm feeling. "I'm feeling like tearing your head off your body," how's that for feeling upset?

In other news, I have been daydreaming about working in a theatre somewhere near home that is not Chicago. Because Chitown makes me want to cry.

And I have a deficit in TA hours that I have absolutely no hope of making up by the end of the semester, so I am probably going to be in trouble with the department. I hate my life.

Comments

[rebeccagrace.livejournal.com]

Yeah...sometimes it's hard dealing with anxiety. I hate having it too, but sometimes the only thing that helps is medication, and that's nothing to be ashamed of! Feel better. :)