dramaturgy | (no subject)

Fuck depression.

Yesterday was a great day. I was in the city that I love, and I got to partake in two pieces of theatre. I saw The Addams Family at the matinee, which was decent. I can see why it was panned, but it was fun. Nathan Lane is a scream, Bebe Neuwirth is great, Terence Mann is a GOD, Carolee Carmello is like three inches around and she has a huge voice. Krysta Rodriguez is a powerhouse, and Wesley Taylor is adorable.

And I got to sit third row at Spider-Man. In short, they were looking to fill the orchestra seat they hadn't sold so I got upgraded for free and it was basically awesome. I have no more face because it has been rocked off. They changed a lot, and is ultimately better for it. The second act especially is much tighter and clearer. I stagedoored and told any of the people who would listen that. I seriously can't wait to go back and again... I'm a stan, deal with it.

So I was in a great place when I got home last night and drifted off to sleep. I had a great dream. I had my dream job in my city, there was a man who loved me, and it was quite literally my dream life. It was so real that when I woke up I was confused. Where was I? What day was it? No seriously where the fuck was I? And as I woke up more, I realized that I was coming back to reality. Awake.

And then I had the moment when I was lying in bed when I was just disappointed, because I was awake and none of that was true. Then the little voice started: Life is never going to be that good.

I'm not unhappy. I'm not. Sure I'm not living the dream, but I'm where I need to be, I think, emotionally and physically. I don't have a lot of very close friends, but the ones I do have are amazing. I decided I wasn't going to let the Dark Passenger win today. I wasn't going to let a stupid voice in the back of my head dictate how I was going to feel about today.

Well. It didn't work. But I did try.